wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
