You work out of a Hotel?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize