Already got asked if we're dating
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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