drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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