the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize