The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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