I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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