he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
