Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
