I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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