I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
