therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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