ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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