I am in a vortex of obligation.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
