it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
