Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
