im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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