I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
