Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
