i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
