Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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