he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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