That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
