therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
