I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
