Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
