the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
