It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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