i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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