finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
