I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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