Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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