I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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