Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
