just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
