So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
