Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize