I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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