I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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