booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
