This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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