I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
