We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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