I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
