Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize