69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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