"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
