he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
