Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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