I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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