The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
