I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
