Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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