OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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