It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
