He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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