Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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