She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize