mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Found the puke drawer
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
