I think my fart just growled at me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
