yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
