when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
