Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
