If that was your dad, he is hot
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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