I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
