you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
