Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
