google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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