I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
