'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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