we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
