I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
