OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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