Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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