hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
